| I'm moving closer |
[Sep. 20th, 2008|01:05 pm] |
The world is a broken place.
Lately I've been seeing that with my own two eyes.
I love you. Whoever you are, whoeever's reading this right now. I love you simply because you're a human being. And I'm praying for you. From the bottom of my heart.
I feel like crying, and it has nothing to do with me or my life. This is strange. |
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| READ ME |
[Sep. 16th, 2008|06:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  determined | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Misty Edwards | ] |
Why does my sister always say things that I'm feeling at that time?
"I've got to reorganize my time, and who I'm actually spending my time on.
Because clearly this is not working well."
LYNETTE: I miss you. Does that make sense?
JAMI: You're a whole lot deeper than I ever thought you were.
CALLA: I just freaking love you. I have a surprise for you for your birthday. Oh, its on.
EVERYONE ELSE: I'm sick and tired of this person that I am at the moment, so I hope you like the person that I'm finally gonna let God mold me into.
I wonder how many times I'm gonna say in my livejournal that I need to get closer to God. But I'm serious this time.
"I believe that You will come like the rain." |
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| I want a stuffed penguin. |
[Aug. 25th, 2008|11:23 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | As Cities Burn | ] |
So I'm the new guitarist of Good Luck Varsity :)
Things with my parents are screwed up, but on their way to healing :)
Summer is almost over :(
School is about to start :(
I'm going to be a senior, and seniors do whatever they want :)
This is my last year of HIGH SCHOOL! :) :) :)
355 days and 12 hours until I'm 18 :) :) :) :) :) :)
I miss my friends :(
Hopefully I'll be hanging out with KT more often because I love that girl seriously so much :)
Life is going to look WAYYY up :) |
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| So give me something to believe |
[Jul. 26th, 2008|04:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Bravery | ] |
I'm trying to change, I really am
There's a lot of work that needs to be done in me. |
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| I owe you, don't I |
[Jul. 22nd, 2008|08:24 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Minus The Bear | ] |
YOU HAVE FRIGGIN MESSED WITH MY HEAD SO MUCH.
i hate girls.
ok that's a lie. i don't hate girls. |
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| We live our lives |
[Jul. 21st, 2008|10:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
SO, most of you around this area have seen or at least heard of the local band Good Luck Varsity. They're pretty much one of the biggest and most talented and well-experienced local bands around. I think they have potential to make it big but I'm not sure if that's what those guys want.
ANYway they posted a blog with an application for the spot of a new guitar player in their band. I filled an application out about a week or two ago. And last night I got a message from them saying that out of over 60 applicants, I was chosen out of 8 or so people to actually meet up with them and audition!!
SO, here's the deal; I NEED YOUR PRAYERS!! If it's God's will, then i'll get this spot with these guys. From my knowledge they're pretty awesome dudes. I'd love it, but I want what God wants above what I want. |
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| AAAH I LOST MY WARPED TOUR VIRGINITY!!!!! |
[Jul. 19th, 2008|10:39 am] |
OK so thursday night at 10:30 at night, I found out I could go to Warped Tour '08. Which was crazy because it was literally last minute. My friends Crystal and Jake were going to take me.
So I got hardly an sleep thursday night, thinking about all the amazing bands I was going to see and what I'm going to pack in my little back pack so we don't die of dehydration and hunger and sun while we're there.
I wake up Friday morning and Crystal has a voicemail for me, canceling on taking me because her boyfriend couldn't drive us. I knew immediately that was NOT about to miss Warped. So I called Jami and she agreed to take me along with her.
We get to Detroit and there's just PARADES of kids walking in massive lines towards the Comerica Park entrance. It was actually kind of intimidating but SO exciting. So we park and Ashley stands watch-out as I pee behind this old abandoned house. Then I get my ticket and we get in and Jami goes; "JEN YOU'RE OFFICIALLY IN. WE'RE AT WARPED TOUR". I don't know why but that made my tail wag. Actually the whole day made my tail wag.
First we literally RAN to watch Relient K. Which were AMAZING. And we saw various other bands such as Anberlin, Norma Jean, The Devil Wears Prada (a little), Against Me!, Angels and Airwaves, Between The Trees, Horrorpops, Alesana, and some random punk band. There were loads more but we just couldn't catch them. Plus my stupid parents wanted me to leave at 6 so we missed a few and I actually feel terrible about it because Ashley really wanted to see As I Lay Dying. And I wanted to see Chiodos. After a while the sun and heat and dehydration was getting to us so we just sat down and walked through the band and clothing tents and bought some chili cheese fries which were AMAZZING.
So on our way home, Jami's car stalls. And we all start freaking out and we don't know what to do. Jami knows I need to be home so she hauls ass trying to get me a ride home, and finally finds Henry and has him give me a ride home. I was still late and my parents were still upset but they're over it.
Even in the midst of freaking out and going crazy with the whole car-stalling out thing, I got home and was like, wow, I just went to warped tour. And I woke up this morning and read a ton of bullitins on myspace about Warped Tour and I was like, WOW, I JUST WENT TO WARPED TOUR!!!!
I saw a few friends there, as well. It was great.
Oh and I fell asleep last night at Bible study with Josh and JackJackAttack. WHich I felt bad about but I literally could not help it. Hehe. The portion I was awake for was really great. I like those guys alot.
AHH I JUST WWENT TO WARPED TOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2008|08:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Smashing Pumpkins | ] |
Please don't forget me.
This is the hardest thing I've ever done.
God I hope I did the right thing. Because right now I want to just run to you and take it all back and forget I ever said anything. |
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| For some reason I can't explain |
[Jul. 16th, 2008|07:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Cold Play | ] |
Always having someone to hold you and then all of the sudden NOT having that really sucks.
I feel so lonely today for some reason :( |
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| All I really wanna do is love you |
[Jul. 10th, 2008|08:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jason Mraz | ] |
I have been learning and growing so much in the last few weeks. Youth camp was so fantastic. Probably the best it has been in a long time.
I've realized that hanging with amazing friends and going amazing places and making amazing memories is all I need right now. That and God.
13 months til I'm 18. I could NOT be any more excited!
I'm taking my music more seriously. That's one of the hugest things I learned at youth camp. That I need to be more driven with it, get myself out there more, and work my hardest to make things happen with my music and my life.
I'm taking my friendships more seriously, too. The relationships I build with friends is the most important thing to me at this point in my life.
I'm also learning to stand more firmly in my beliefs, my morals, what I stand for, and "who I am" and all that. Because if I'm not confident in everything I'm about, then I'll let the wrong kind of people and the wrong kind of things into my life and it'll really screw me over.
THIS SUMMER IS SO AMAZING AND IT'S GOING TO ROCK AND I'M SO EXCITED TO FINISH IT!
P.S. Emily Elizabeth Oldaugh has been over my house every day for the past 5 days and it is wonderful. |
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| Thunderstorms are my F A V O R I T E |
[Jun. 26th, 2008|04:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Carolina Liar | ] |
Worked today from 10AM-4 at the theatre. Now I'm about to go work 5-9 at Hungry Howies. I'm gonna have my car quicker than you can say Minimum Wage. :D
I cannot get over how good this song is:
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 9th, 2008|02:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hot | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Chiodos | ] |
It is so hard to NOT talk to her. Sure she treated me like crap and yada yada blah blah. Ok, so you have a point. She did put me through stuff that I shouldn't have gone through. But the bottom line is that I still have had her in my life every single day for the past 3 years. To suddenly delete her is very strange.
And part of me wants to just be like "eh, oh well. its sort of unnessesary to stop talkiing to her. just move on and keep her as a friend."
but really, it is not possible for me to even do that without clearing her out of my head and out of my life for a while.
4 DAYS UNTIL SUMMER!
What sucks the most is that I need her right now. My life is stressful and beautiful at the same time right now and all I want to do is hang out with my best friend and tell her everything.
Everyone please pray (if you do) for two of my uncles. Especially my uncle Ronny. |
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| shoot dangit |
[Jun. 7th, 2008|04:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hot | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sufjan Stevens | ] |
Hung out with Emily last night! IT was so much fun. We basically did nothing but stuff our faces and watch A Walk To Remember and the old Disney cartoon movie The Princess and the Goblin. And sometimes staying home and doing that with a great friend is good medicine.
I love hanging out with her. She's so energetic and almost bubbly and talking with her is so easy. She's really helping me to see things in a different light. With the whole Jami thing, I mean. Not taht anyone else didn't help, because trust me you've all helped me so much through all of it.
I guess I'm just really looking forward to being with someone who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated. And I'm really looking forward to the summer and a fresh start.
I WORK TONIGHT AND HUNGRY HOWIES WILL BE HOTTER THAN HECK. |
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| "...sometimes a whisper is more powerful..." |
[May. 30th, 2008|03:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the good kind | ] |
summer is on it's way! only 10 more days of school left then summer is here which means freedom which means parents lighten up for some reason which means jen and lynette get to breathe for a change which means the world gets better :D
honestly i can't wait. staying up late, going new places, hanging out with people all day, NO HOMEWORK, the beautiful late summer nights and how great it is to walk around on a summer night. i love everything about summer. oh, and not to mention visiting lake avalon with alyse and her fantastic (and sometimes drunk) family.
this summer is going to be so good. i don't know why i feel so strongly about it but i do.
i'm starting to get better. a lot better. and it feels really good. i feel like making another video. anyway here's a good quote that has nothing to do with this post but i love it;
“you can’t always scream and holler, you have to whisper once in a while, and sometimes a whisper is more powerful.” -ROBERT BECHTEL |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 27th, 2008|04:34 pm] |
wow. its like they enjoy rubbing it in my face.
this is why i keep telling myself i'm going to stop talking to her. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 25th, 2008|11:27 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Paper Route | ] |
a lot has happened in the month or so that i haven't posted. here it goes:
jami and i broke up. and when it happened i was completely torn apart. honestly, i was miserable. and for the past month or so that's all i've been. just empty, worn down, and feeling disgusting and used. and every time i look at the girl she's now dating, and every time i hear about them its like the knife in my side keeps getting twisted. because it wasn't just a break up. it was a messy drama-packed disaster that involved two people i deeply cared about "stabbing me in the back" as you say.
and through all of this, it's been like a real serious eye opener. to be honest i don't think i've ever seen my life and who i am more clearly. i've learned so SO much about myself and life in general. i'm seeing a totally different side to everything, and its great because as hard as it is to admit it, losing certain things and people was probably the best thing that could happen for me. everyone kept telling me i deserved better but now i really know it for myself. and it feels good.
even in the midst of the pain and sadness, its like there's a deeper part of me that's smiling. like, yes i'm hurting, but at my core i'm still glowing. and thinking of that, made me realize that this is only temporary. like jordan whispered to me when i was crying and slobbering all over him, this is only temporary. the hurt will go away. i'm stronger than this. i'm better than this. something tried to break me and it almost succeeded but i stood firm.
lately i've really been growing a lot. musically, mentally, and even spiritually. i know i need to get closer to God. finally it hit me that that is the only thing that will EVER bring me "true happiness". because when i get close to Him, its like life just comes pouring out of me. in a good way. i'm happier and healthier and music is flowing out of my fingertips every half hour and its like i'm a completely different person. someone with more life and more love and more energy and creativity and talent.
i don't know what this whole post is about. i guess its just a therapeutic high-five to myself, haha. just letting everyone know that i'm alive and i'm well and i have been doing so much better. i feel like i can honestly fly.
i'm going to make music that moves people. and you have my word on that. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 19th, 2008|09:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  disappointed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Imogen Heap | ] |
this was good. i didn't write it, though. it was one of my friend's livejournal posts:
"because i look at it this way:
when you love someone for who they are and the way they already look,
but they always want to change those things-
wouldn't you be a bit worried that they might try to change you, too?
or worse, get rid of you?
and that, my friends is what will leave us with a sort of humilation we might not deserve to face. the kind of humiliation that comes with not feeling good enough for someone who isn't even good enough for themselves. that's pretty lame, huh?
like, what's the point in trying to be something to someone who can't even be alright with themself? that's fucked up." |
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| Where ya gonna go, if they come for you? |
[Apr. 14th, 2008|03:34 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Jimmy Eat World - Gotta Be Somebody's Blues | ] |
its bad enough to be hurt.
but to be hurt, AND feel like you're being lied to?
yeah, sucks even more. |
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